HOME >NEWS
Latest News
Julie Gentili Armbrust selected as one of the top 20 business leaders under 40.
Mediation Northwest President Julie Gentili Armbrust was selected by The Register-Guard as one of the top young Lane County business leaders at the fourth-annual 20 Under 40 awards. The paper wrote, Julie “is a private mediator and facilitator, practicing attorney, mediation and facilitation trainer and is a leader and sought-after expert in special education mediation throughout the United States. She also volunteers countless hours each month for both professional associations and community groups.”
Top Five Little Known Oddities of Divorce in Oregon
5. Ex-spouses cannot continue to cover their ex-spouses health insurance through their employer. Health insurance is available through your ex-spouses employer (if that employer provides insurance) through COBRA for 18 months, and it is available as a portable plan (if you currently have a plan).
4. All divorcing parents of children must take a parenting class through the court. Yes, even great parents and busy parents are required to take the class.
3. Child support is a calculation that is required to be calculated by the State of Oregon. Parties can make decisions to either increase or decrease child support after the support has been properly calculated. However, child support must be calculated. Child support is not tax deductible. Spousal support is deductible to one party and treated as income to the other party.
2. Child support continues until the child is age 21 if that child is attending school. Between the ages of 18-21, child support is payable to the child, not to the parent.
1. Children ages 18-21 are a party to your divorce. Yes, it is true... terrible, but true. This means that your child will either need to accept service or be served with your divorce documents. Your child will then either waive his/her right to appear or appear in your proceedings.
Top Ten Stupid Things People Do During A Divorce
10. Talk about the divorce in front of the kids because the other spouse started the discussion.
Reality. You know it is wrong. You know it damages your children, but you do it because you allow the former spouse to pull you into the discussion.
Suggestion: You need to create firm boundaries that you will not discuss the divorce in front of your children AND offer a time either the same day or in the near future when you will discuss the situation with your former spouse.
9. Agreeing To Anything To Get Out Of The Marriage.
Reality. Short term gain, long term loss. This situation is very common.
Suggestion: The key is to dig deep and find the strength to negotiate a fair and amicable resolution to your divorce. People tend to need one year from the finalization of the divorce to heal. Ask yourself, “How will I feel about this agreement in one year when I no longer feel the need to do anything to get out of this marriage?”
8. If I Am Happy, That Makes Me a Better Parent.
Reality: Your kids don’t care if you are happy. They care if they are happy.
Suggestion. Your decision for a dissolution has already impacted them in some manner. Allow them time to heal and help them find their happiness. Then, and only then, should you begin to focus on your happiness, too.
7. Name Calling, Either in Person, Email or Texting.
Reality: Short term gain, long term loss. Yes, it feels great to say what you are thinking (and of course it is true), but name calling does not make your former spouse want to work with you. Name calling always comes back to haunt you.
Suggestion: Like that little girl in the ‘90's movie whispers, “Don’t say a word.”
6. Introduce New Romantic Partners to Their Children Within One Year of the Dissolution
How does this make your child feel: “I feel like we are on a plane that is crashing, but we haven’t crashed yet.” Nine-Year-Old child of a divorced couple after his father introduced him to his new romantic partner three months after the finalization of the divorce.
Suggestion: Your period of renewed freedom is your child’s period of chaos. Allow them one year from the time of the divorce to acclimate to the new situation, free from other romantic partners. I am not suggesting not dating. I am only suggesting not introducing your children to a new romantic partner.
5. Each Side Hires Lawyers and Experts For A Standard Divorce
Reality. Using mediation is cost effective because you only hire attorneys when you feel you need additional legal advise and you only hire one set of experts, not dueling experts who will drain you of your hard-earned income.
Suggestion: Use mediation to achieve your divorce. The end-result is an agreement you each can live with and you create an amicable, working relationship for the future. And, of course, you will save a lot of money!
4. Thinking Your Life Style Will Not Change
Reality: Your life style will change A LOT! You still have the same incomes, but now have two homes, two sets of utilities, two sets of everything and support. That takes its toll.
Suggestion: Be mindful that you will have many changes in your life. Prioritize your necessities and your needs. Budget, yes budget, for your new life. It will help you feel in control of an otherwise uncontrollable situation.
3. Foregoing Marital Counseling and Skipping Straight to Divorce
Reality: Most couples communicate differently and have different priorities. A good marital counselor will highlight those differences, provide you homework and solutions to those differences. And, yes, I have 1-2 couples per year that divorce through Mediation Northwest and end-up remarrying each other.
Suggestion: Find a GOOD couples counselor and give it a try for a few sessions. Be open to forgiveness and change, and understand that it will not happen overnight.
2. Talking to the Children About The Divorce
Reality: If you talk badly about the other parent to the children, even if it is true, children will eventually resent it and they will naturally try to protect the “picked-on” parent.
Suggestion: Your children need to feel loved and need structure. Yes, the teenagers, too. When you talk to them, they need to know what is going to happen, not what could happen. They don’t need to know that their mother is stealing from you or that their father is a loser.
1. Not Seeking Care and Comfort From Others
Reality. Divorce is emotionally taxing. Many people pull away from their family and friends in order to handle the divorce; or in the alternative, many people take-out their emotions on their friends and family in inappropriate ways. Too many people lose many friends during a divorce, which heightens the feeling of loss and devastation. If you are taking-out your emotions on your friends, don’t forget to apologize. A good friend is hard to come by.
Suggestion: Seek out your family and friends, not necessary to talk about the divorce. The will help you through this difficult time and lessen the feeling of isolation and loss. They will also be your bridge into your new life, post-divorce.
|